Goonburger

Gilok wrote:So I guess Darfur war orphans never had anything to begin with except parents that got brutally murdered in front of them so they have it worse than me.

12 years ago, I did something stupid and met a girl on the internet. I lived in New Orleans at the time, and she lived in Maine. My parents were about to move to North Carolina so I was leaving town either way, so I said fuck it and went to Maine to live with this girl, April. I worked up there for a while, but I was having serious problems with depression and anxiety and it was really hard to hold down a job. She got pregnant, we got married. A little after this a really close friend of mine from 7th grade, Donnie, came to stay with us for a while after getting out of the Navy, on a disability discharge for being schizophrenic. It seemed like a good idea at the time.

My depression got worse, April started getting depressed, we had no money, and so we moved to North Carolina to stay with my parents until we could get back on our feet. Donnie left to go stay with his own family. April got a good job there, we did in fact get on our feet, and I stayed at home and took care of our son. I continued being treated for depression, with some positive results. We agreed that it was best if I stayed home and she worked. ( ) A few years later, we had another son. A year or two after that, Donnie came to live with us again. We were doing really well at this point. With Donnie helping with the rent and bills we were able to get a fairly nice apartment, the kids were doing well, things were pretty good. Then April started getting irritated living with Donnie and wanted to move back up to Maine to be near her family. She was pretty sure she had a job lined up, so we took our tax refund and went. Donnie stayed behind in North Carolina, and eventually moved back to Mississippi again.

She got the job she wanted, and again things were pretty good. We didn't have as much money or as nice an apartment as we did with Donnie, but we were doing OK. Then April started getting headaches, and stopped going to work. She got diagnosed with a large adenoma on her liver, so she got temporary disability while they took it out and she recovered. This was a difficult time, but I figured we'd get through it. We did not. She got more and more depressed, and even after recovering fully she never really went back to work.

Then Donnie came to live with us for a third time. By now I bet most of you see where this is going, and probably did as soon as I mentioned a friend coming to live with us, but I guess I'm retarded because I didn't. The plan this time was for Donnie to get his own place after a month or so. April continued to not work, Donnie came and started throwing around his disability money. A week or so after he arrived, April took me in the bedroom. She told me that when Donnie moved out, she wanted me to go with him. I tried to find out if there was something I could do or what was wrong, but I never really got a straight answer out of her. I brought this up to Donnie and he was ok with me moving with him.

I started looking into going back to school, hopefully to live off of student loans until I could get a good job. I even applied to a decent school and got accepted, just in time for Donnie to decide he didn't actually want to live with me after all. Then he started sitting closer to April on the couch. Then she was putting her legs on his lap. I started trying to figure out what the hell to do. I had no money, no good job prospects, mental problems that made even looking for a job a herculean task, and I was stuck in a state without any real support or help.

I ended up selling a bunch of my stuff to get money to move to Louisiana to stay with my grandmother, where I am now. Donnie obviously stayed with April, and my kids. April is quitting her job completely, no more leaves of absence, and I guess Donnie is going to support her and the kids. I'm trying as hard as I can to find a job, some kind of income, something, but it isn't going well in this tiny ass town. I'm incredibly lonely, incredibly depressed. I learned recently that I can't get medicaid or any sort of health care without being disabled, so I probably won't be able to continue my medication or therapy (depending on what is required to be "disabled"). I'm 30 years old and badly out of shape so joining the military is probably out. I can't talk to my kids without crying. I can barely go a day without breaking down.

TLDR: My wife of eleven years left me for my best friend, I am 2000 miles away from my kids, broke and unemployed because I am too depressed and stupid to have worked in the past ten years, and I feel completely hopeless.

I don't even know why I'm posting this. I just don't have anyone else to talk to really. When I am not looking for work I am playing video games to distract myself. It is not working very well.

wemier wrote:The kid's clothes are soiled.

Mister Han Man wrote:Donnie came and started throwing around his disability money.

[joker.gif]

Gilok wrote:Thanks to everyone for the advice and sympathy.

I am trying very hard to find a job. For those wondering, I'm in Natchitoches, LA. I will probably go to either community college or the local state university either in the spring or next fall, depending on what kind of work I find before then. I do not currently have a car, which complicates things, but my mom and grandmother are nearby and not especially busy. They're being a big help here and I don't know where the hell I would be without them. I have some IT experience (yes I have worked before) and know computers, so I am also going to post flyers around here for computer repair and stuff. I designed a web page for my mom's boss which he paid me (not nearly enough) for, and he was pleased enough to recommend me to a friend of his, so I may be able to make a decent sideline doing that stuff.

As for my kids, which people asked about, they're ok. I should say here that Donnie is not the screaming at the walls setting fires kind of schizophrenic. I knew him way, way before I met April and had kids, and if I thought there was any danger to anyone I cared about from him I not only wouldn't have let him near them I wouldn't have remained friends with him for so long. He's an asshole, but he's a safe asshole who had proven himself a trustworthy friend until recently. I also tend to think that it's more a case of April preying on his vulnerabilities so he will support her and she can stay home and play WoW and Farmville. Not that this excuses him, it just means he's both pathetic and an asshole.

Oddly enough, I really don't think anything was going on between Donnie and April the first two times he lived with us. For one thing, I don't know why she wouldn't have done this then if there was, it would have been easier for her in a lot of ways. Also she seemed to range from barely tolerating him and complaining about him constantly to outright loathing him the second time we lived together, so I don't know. I honestly think she's just using him. He makes more by himself from disability than she made working, and his is tax-free. If she ever gets around to filing divorce papers, and who knows when that will be, and Donnie is stupid enough to marry her, he'll probably get a ton more. I'd file the papers myself but I don't have the money and I really don't give a shit right now. No matter what happens, I do not want her back. She is not the thing I am upset about.

Anyway, I was talking about the kids. They're ok and are not really aware enough of the situation to be fucked up by what's going on, as long as things don't get any worse up there. I am not worried about their well-being. I miss them horribly, and they are the only worthwhile thing I've ever done.

Which brings me to my next point, to the people saying this is my fault and I'm a naive idiot, you are absolutely correct. I let this happen and I am taking the responsibility for my situation. When this all started I had really, really serious problems with my depression and anxiety but I hadn't actually been diagnosed or treated at all, and so I made a long series of really bad decisions mostly out of fear. I completely let this happen and I am going to learn from it and try again to be a decent person. I am trying to do more activities, but it's 110 fucking degrees here compared to the 75 or so I am used to so I'm not doing a lot of outdoor stuff just now. I will once it gets tolerable outside. I am doing my best not to be idle and to make at least some sort of attempt at doing something every day, even if it's just going out to the grocery store or something. I feel a little better today than I did yesterday, and hopefully that will continue to improve.

I will attempt to find pictures of those involved. Nobody involved here is pretty, except my kids who managed to get the better parts of both of our DNA.

Radium Arcadium wrote:

Mister Han Man wrote:

Rocket wrote:I bought my two year old a piano today. I would also kill anyone who tried to take her from me.



Off-topic:

HANGLY FIX YOUR GODDAMN STUPID FUCKING SHITTY FORUMS YOU LAZY GODDAMN THIN-SKINNED FAGGOT. JESUS CHRIST ALMIGHTY IN A BUCKET THIS COMPUTER IS A FUCKING WEEK OLD AND IT'S HAVING THE SAME STUPID FUCKING PROBLEM MY OTHER TWO COMPUTERS HAVE ON YOUR GOD-FORSAKEN SHITHOLE OF A FUCKING WEBSITE. IT'S NOT MY COMPUTER'S PROBLEM YOU GODDAMN HUMONGOUS-SHOULDERED RETARD. WHY CAN I NOT SEE THE GODDAMN CURSOR WHEN I'M TYPING IN THIS STUPID GODDAMN TEXT BOX? IT'S NOT MY GODDAMN MACHINE. AND I BOUGHT A DROID INCREDIBLE TWO FUCKING WEEKS AGO AND IT'S HAVING THE SAME GODDAMN PROBLEMS. THAT'S A GODDAMN NEW SMART-PHONE THAT WAS RELEASED LAST FUCKING MONTH. IT'S NOT MY MACHINES. IT'S YOUR GHETTO, WELFARE, SECTION 8 GODDAMN WEBSITE.

Fucking shit, man.

I can see my cursor.

Rocket wrote:Lemme guess: is the program for this forum written for Linux operating systems, you filthy goons?

lomo taxual wrote:here lets play a game! Its called what do you think the other two people in the story look like!

I bet Donnie looks like the guy on the right:

Armchair Nazi wrote:something about those walls bothers me... its like they wallpapered the place with cow hide

Mister Han Man wrote:

Rocket wrote:Lemme guess: is the program for this forum written for Linux operating systems, you filthy goons?

Servers? Yes.

None of this has anything to do with your goddamn cursor.